Let Me Tell You How

I am next to you
As this is happening.
You are my family now.
You are for me.
It's what you have said.
“He offered me wine,” I begin.
I want to tell you
How it happened,
But you are pounding the walls
With your fists.
You are staring at your knuckles,
At how your hands are bleeding now.
I try to begin again,
This time without words.
I reach for you.
You are rigid in my arms
And pull away,
“I will not touch you!”
Telling me
To call the man who raped me.
"Ask him."
Demand evidence he is healthy.
I want to tell you
How I feel,
But my feeling is in my body.
My body,
You will not touch my body.
The woman at the clinic
Who answers my questions
But not my fears
Tells me,
"We cannot know for months."

Now I am ever awake
Without your kisses or touch,
Without sex, blood or respite.
This is happening.
We need to understand.
Let me tell you how.

This is how to touch my body:
Let me tell you how.
This is how to touch my body:
Let me tell you how.
Let me tell you how.